We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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