Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
