Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
