My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
