Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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