I'm going to jail i love you
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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