With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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