Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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