Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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