drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
