The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
