They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
