I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
