My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
