omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
don't judge my taste in strippers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
