So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
