So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
