i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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