Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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