I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
