whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
