I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
