I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
