Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
