He had one of those small greek statue penises
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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