he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
