R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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