rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
