i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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