I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The air taste purple.
Randomize
