Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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