everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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