Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
