my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
