two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So much Jack, so little girl.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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