I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
