i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
