my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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