He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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