never play flip cup with pint glasses
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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