he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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