I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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