thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
