Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
