Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
