his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it because I queefed?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
