Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
