I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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