they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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