every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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