Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
